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By ZeroSometimes she thinks about math.
She wonders if there's an equation for her depression.
The number of times you cut yourself today squared,
minus the unhealed wounds from the day before
by the number of days this week you felt pretty.
The total meals you threw up in the last month
multiplied by the pounds you didn't starve off
by the number of times you told the truth about it.
The mean of the slurs hurled at you by strangers
and the ones flung by friends
by the number of people you know who love you.
She was never good at math.
She forgets you can't divide by zero.
the pills don't workA few weeks ago
my doctor called me
"You have a
with the tendencies of an insomniacthe loneliest part of her day
is going to sleep
knowing when she wakes up
she'll still be
She called me Ma'am. He called me Miss.The bank called today, trying to sell you life insurance. You let them babble because it's their job and you couldn't get a word in edgewise and you're too polite to simply hang up. When the woman on the other line finishes her spiel you tell her you're not interested, but she insists so you listen. Letting her speak for another minute couldn't hurt, right?
She starts telling you how you should be prepared in the case of a sudden death. Car crashes, drowning, equipment malfunction, cancer, disease contracted overseas, covered. You aren't going to buy this insurance but you want to ask if suicide was covered under it anyway.
But you weren't planning on dying. Not today, anyway. Not for a while. You stopped that.
She transfers you to another associate. You tell him he's wasting his time, because you simply aren't interested and don't have the need for this program.
He lists off some statistics. The number of people who die in accidents every year. What the average funeral costs in Canada
it was cold when I woke upI long to trace invisible trails
across your face, like wind
I yearn to feel your heartbeat
cuddled up against your chest
I crave all of your kisses
I ache to give you mine
Wishing upon a falling star
I'll sing you lullabies
Ninety-EightI want you here on my darkest nights
when razor blades can't scare the frights
and scars aren't enough to face my fears
haunting, taunting all of these years
I want you here on my brightest days
when sun shines dim under my rays
and our laughter comes in fits and starts
prancing, dancing never apart
I want you here for everything
The good and bad, the in between
You're HomeThe only place I know I'm safe
Is someplace I may never be
If home is where the heart is
I'm still living overseas
Red PenShe has a red pen, holds it close
Reminded of a boy
She plays with it but not his heart
A heart is not a toy
Sometimes she writes and stops herself
Afraid, for ink runs dry
Superstitious mind, she reasons
Red pens, like love, can die
She saves the pen, saving the ink
Never once she forgets
By losing it she loses him
Her heart is in his debt
Bitlets 147Her arousal is auroral:
cheek flush and eye glaze
border on borealis when
she's in his company.
The Abyss in The SkyWould you still
love me if i inject
your heart into my
& make you the
we can finally drown in the abyss in the sky.
Long Distance RelationshipThat moment when his attention is not yours,
But we're both actually physically near,
His feelings for me is so far,
yet mine is near.
i'm going to ask
the piano man
to play it again
with a drink
in my right hand
so that i may
Until...You were my muse
My Beautiful Saving Grace,
But life's made of seasons,
And so many have passed.
And we've lost,
And we've changed
So very much.
You have to know
I love you so much,
But we've ripened,
And I don't want to be Dead.
So let me kiss you one last time
And wipe the tears from both our eyes.
I love you,
I miss you,
But I can't say goodbye.
So “good luck”
And I'll miss you,
I love you,
Until next time.
A SparkAnd I feel like a wounded animal
Limbs all tangled up
With the way you look at me
Like you don't have a care in the world
But I care,
I care so much it hurts,
The pain visceral and pounding,
I really, really do.
And I feel desperation,
It's clawing up my throat,
But I swallow the nail,
I smile past the burn
Because it earns me a smile,
Beautiful and cold,
And I think I'd do anything...
I thought I'd do anything,
To try and light a spark in your eyes,
But it's never enough,
And I'm starting to wonder
If it isn't me?
If maybe it's you.
Because I have a spark,
Though it tries to flicker and die
Under your cold regard.
Yet still I sit here playing
Your quiet, perfect little girl.
But I'm cracking.
Oh god, I'm bleeding...
but you don'ti miss you in my kneecaps
in my backaches
and in my baited breath
i miss you like sunset
when you lower your light
i miss you like rainfall
when you pour down
i miss you like the first time
and the last time
i miss you
like you miss me too
Pictures In SandI loved you like
The Moon loves the Sun,
The Earth always gets in the way.
And I wanted to love you
Like Orpheus loved Eurydice,
But those were just pictures in sand.
But even with them washed away,
I want you to know
You're burned into my skin
Because I loved you more
Than Angels love Man.
And I wish,
God, I wish,
We could find better placements than sand
Because I'll love you forever,
But I have to love myself first,
So goodbye now,
goodbye's in the sand...
InterchangeI want to know you
With every fiber of my being.
I want to know you
When the leaves fall,
I will continue to fall desperately.
To hear the sound of your voice
Brush across the sounds of silent revery
I mean to see you
I mean to know you
But the flutter of my chest
And the blood in my head
Sends me to shivering stillness.
I want to know you
With every part of my soul
I want to see the beautiful parts
Now hidden by dirty soil.
We can clean it away
You can see my stains
And touch them with yours
And we can wash them plain.
I want to know you
With every inch of my skin
I want to trace the heart in your chest
And feel your love pour in.
You Were Not An Aquarium BoySea-glass became your bones,
brine your blood, and seashells
melded into your skin.
You were not quite an ocean
when you said "This is your sign to love me."
My body was like a building;
tall, cold, almost unbreakable.
I was metallic and sharp,
towering over your waters.
I remember taking your hand in mine,
conch and coral shells scrubbing
my skyscraper wrists, and laughing
about how one day you would
submerge every last bit of me.
Your lips, riddled with argonauts,
found my cheek and I cringed
at the coarseness.
You asked if they bothered me
and I finally told you "I
think I love you."
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More